| Cha
- Cha - Chan- Changes!
Six
Flags Folsom Prison? If the head of
Six Flags has their way one day, it
may seem like this.
Names in this article have been changed
to protect the guilty.
Change
is in the wind my friends and for Six
Flags amusement parks, we will be seeing
a lot of hot wind. Under the new leadership
of Daniel Snyde and Mark Notmyhero,
who were voted in on the Six Flags board
in November of 2005, Six Flags parks
will undergo many new cosmetic changes
and policies.
The
most recent policy that stirred up a
silent tsunami over the Internet that
enraged thousands of teenage boys was
their change on their re-entry policy.
Rumors popped up in January that the
company was going to change the long
established re-entry policy that states
“Guests wishing to leave and re-enter
the Park the same day, must retain their
ticket stub and have their hand stamped
prior to exiting.” Six Flags Webmasters
started changing their sites to reflect
the new policy and many enthusiasts
caught on and quickly spread the word
that re-entry would no longer be allowed
by any means. Six Flags who is in serious
debt was trying to prevent guests from
going to other venues to eat, prevent
mothers from getting fresh diapers for
their babies in their car, disable diabetics
who forgot to bring their insulin, and
keep the guests locked in their world
to buy their outrageously expensive
bad food and overpriced goods.
The
Internet provided a perfect response
as hundreds of message boards started
to fill up with outraged posts on
how stupid the new policy was. Six
Flags started to take heat and the
new policy was now under the microscope
on several media sites. Six Flags
spent thousands of dollars to try
and re-enact what would happen under
this new policy. The company purchased
a Honda ASIMO robot and programmed
it with 5 or 6 different guest profiles.
In each case, when the employee
told the robot that it could not
come back to the park after leaving
the front gates, the robot caused
bodily harm to that employee. For
fear of another lawsuit, they quickly
understood that guests would rather
physically take this problem out
on their employees and threaten
to never come back to their parks.
In the case of Magic Mountain where
half of the guests are armed, this
would cause a serious blood bath
on most test runs. Six Flags view
on this policy and more importantly
how it connects with Snyder, the
owner of the Washington Redskins,
is that the theme park policy on
re-entry would mimic concert venues
and sporting events. People need
to access things in their car and
take a brake sometimes, take away
re-entry and you basically have
the next Six Flags Folsom Prison.
A
naughty employee
|
Honda
ASIMO in SFMM program
mode
|
|
|
Other changes are coming and some
of the year round parks are already
seeing the Snyde/Notmyhero's stamp
of approval. First off, prices have
gone up. One-day tickets and season
passes have increased and now you
will be required to pay for a credit
check to park your car on park property.
This fee will cost you $15 and if
your credit score is below 700,
prepare to pay another $5. Seniors
now will have to pay full rate and
will be stripped of their AARP rights
and benefits while in the park.
All parks will feature “cancer
corners”, areas of the park
where smokers can shave off years
of their life. Park employees will
be retrained and forced to enjoy
park guests. Employees will “sport”
the new Six Flags uniforms that
are basically Redskin jerseys with
their name and two digit ID number
on the back of the uniform. This
will allow guests to quickly identify
rude employees. Any employee not
following park policies will have
to stand in front of the re-entry
gate wearing a pink tutu and will
be required to tell guests that
they will not be allowed back into
the park. The physical and emotional
wrath they get from that will shape
their guest relations to a new high. |
Some
of the more shocking changes come straight
from the horses mouth, “The days
of building fifteen million dollar coasters
are over”, says Nomyhero. “Guests
come to our parks to see characters,
not ride one-of-a-kind, thrilling rides.
After touring Six Flags park in Kentucky,
Snyde was quick to ask how much a rope
climbing pay attraction was bringing
in. When the employee responded with
a five-digit figure he responded, “Make
it free, This is just something we don't
need to nickel and dime people on.",
a shocking comment from the company's
largest stock owner who knows darn well
that they are in a serious debt problem.
This type of change will make every
pay ride free and transform them to
being the most popular rides in the
park. You will have to wait 4 hours
now to ride a skycoaster but it won't
cost you one penny! Of course this is
just the first quarter's change and
I'm sure we'll see many more bad changes
to come in the next few years. Perhaps
David Bowie knew best what was about
to happen when he wrote, “Cha -
cha - chan - changes, turn and face
the strain.” |
